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Jun 25 2014

LAPD Gets New Military Stealth Motorcycles to Tactically Harass Homeless People

military bike

The Los Angeles Police Department has purchased three “super stealthy” military-grade motorcycles to protect and serve the crap out of you. The Zero MMX motorcycles are being added to the department’s off-road patrol unit. Each bike costs $17,945 without additional modifications and is not for sale to civilians. Specifically, the bike was developed for Special Operations Forces.

The electric bikes can reach speeds of up to 88 miles per hour and can zoom around for approximately 130 miles or two hours before needing to be recharged or have their power packs swapped out. Each bike would take about seven hours to fully charge via a wall outlet, but special equipment would cut down the time drastically.

Officer Steve Carbajal claims the bikes are environmentally friendly and will cost less than 50 cents to charge. As an added bonus, “the community appreciates how quiet they are,” he stated in a press conference about the purchase. “Most importantly, our officers have an added tactical advantage while on patrol.”

What is this tactical advantage?

“One, there’s no fumes or exhaust going into the atmosphere, two, they’re able to sneak up on some of the homeless encampments and some of the illegal activities in the hillsides,” Lt. Andy Neiman said. “And three, the community loves it because there isn’t that whiny noise that is commonly associated with the off-road bikes.” So, mostly, the LAPD is hoping to ramp up their homeless-thwarting tactics.

Local homeless-advocacy groups have already filed lawsuits against the department for their “anti-homeless agenda.” The LAPD has also been in the spotlight for several scuffles with the homeless, including shooting a man over a shopping cart. When the department began ramping up their bike patrols earlier this year, Sgt. Theresa Skinner told the LA Times that 75% of her police work was cracking down on the homeless. When the PD isn’t arresting the homeless, they are writing citations that the homeless can’t pay.

However, the department claims the purchase will mostly help to cut costs, as typical off-road equipment can cost up to $35,000 and maintenance is minimal. Also, the MMX’s lack of emissions means police can chase suspects through buildings. The bikes are simply another edition to an already militarized police force armed to the teeth.

“We’ll never make enough arrests or write enough tickets to get rid of homelessness,” Skinner said. But with their new MMX stealth bikes, they can certainly try.

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