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Jan 31 2014

Papers Please: Colorado Cops Declare War on Super Bowl

superbowlpolice

Police in Fort Collins, Colorado, are requesting all residents to register their Super Bowl parties, complete with threats of force. A notice from the Neighborhood Services Department on the city’s website warns potential partiers that without proper registration, they may face the consequences of a noise complaint and receive a visit from the police. The registration page warns that a noise complaint will result in a cease and desist order as well as possible citations, arrests, jail time, and hefty fines. If you register, your party is given a warning and a 20 minute window to disperse before the police arrive.

The registration process consists of the party host meeting with the authorities in person. The host must present valid identification to prove that they are over the age of 18 and provide two phone numbers at which they can be reached. Police may also ask for confirmation on when the party is scheduled to begin and end. Registration closed on Friday, January 31, at 4pm.

So, what can actually happen if there is a complaint about a party? Regardless of registration, an officer is dispatched to the neighborhood. If he or she deems the noise “unreasonable,” the host and any contributing party-goers are slapped with a misdemeanor charge and a fine of up to $1000 – and/or six months in jail.

Once a party is busted, even more fun begins. If bodily waste is spotted – that is excrement, vomit, etc. – anywhere other than a “proper” receptacle, it is a $100-$300 fine. Littering is $100. Disturbing the peace is $200, and disorderly conduct another $250-500. And among the website’s list of common party charges is the following:

Inciting a Riot – Fine $5,000 / 18 months jail (3 years / $100,000 for injury or damage)
No person shall incite or urge a group of 5 or more people to engage in a riot.

Arming Rioter – Fine $500,000 / 6 years jail
No person shall supply a deadly weapon or destructive device for use in a riot. No person shall teach another to prepare or use the above with the intent that item is to be used in a riot.

Engaging in a Riot – Fine $1,000 / 12 months jail (6 years / $500,000 for injury or damage)
Anyone convicted of engaging in a riot will not be allowed to attend any state colleges or universities for a period of AT LEAST 1 year.

However, registering your party can save you from any or all of these potential charges. For anyone who has registered and is still concerned, the police have also provided a party checklist of “helpful tips” to help avoid law enforcement interference. Suggestions include picking a party monitor, agreeing on house rules, negotiating party times with neighbors, and designating appropriate parking.

A city press release about the weekend’s sporting event also warns of the danger of the “crowd mentality” and encourages party-goers to “be independent.” The statement also provides an ominous warning: “Remember, there is no anonymity in a crowd.” Apparently there’s no anonymity at a Super Bowl party, either.

5 comments

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  1. Geekohol

    Yeah, ok good luck with that. Last time I checked I lived in a free country, and no, I will not “register” a private gathering of people. Screw them.

    1. peter

      You think you live in a free county??? are you really that thick? read the story again moron. That is your country!
      name one other country on the planet that requires a few mates and family getting together to watch a football match to register with the police or face the threat of prison?
      There isn’t one and you dickheads still bang on about ‘land of the free’ hahahahah pathetic and rather sad really.

  2. Chuck

    is this a joke or complete B.S. ? we have nothing more to do other than worry about Superbowl parties ? we have the right to assemble peaceably. did I wake up in a different country ?

  3. J Johnson

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  4. Luang Tom

    Welcome to the new CO. The LibTards from CA and NYC moved in and this sort of ordinances are what you get. New gun-laws were one result and this is another. Don’t worry, be happy….

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